DON'T stop and stare, please.

So my mom, Jeff and I went out to dinner last night at a locally-owned chain restaurant in a cute, quaint little nearby town. As you'll all recall, I am still using my walker to get around because I cannot start walking until May 31st. As such, Jeff dropped us off at a crosswalk ramp just a few doors down from the restaurant so that my mom and I could get me out of the car and start hopping while he parked the car nearby. As we "walked" down the sidewalk, I noticed people staring at me. Let me be sure to tell you that I don't mean the natural casual glance at a stranger, or the accidental eye-contact and friendly smile that Americans are accustomed to, I mean blatant STARING. As we neared the restaurant there were a few tables outside as a makeshift patio, and there was a guy who was seated facing us as we approached. He was watching me the entire time that I hopped down the sidewalk, and as I passed him he made no attempt to hide the fact that he turned his head, staring mainly at my legs, as I got by.

"Brittany", you say, "perhaps he was admiring your blossoming calf muscles, highlighted by the leggings you were wearing! Surely he wasn't staring because of your walker." or, "I'm sure he was simply looking at your footwear, black flats are a fashion staple and maybe he's looking to buy a pair. It's not likely he even noticed that you had the walker in front of you!" And while I like to think of myself as a person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt, I am convinced that this man was simply trying to figure out "What is wrong with her?"

Some of you have seen me in person, but for those who haven't (and I may have said this already, I can't recall) I don't look any different than I did before the accident. Sure I've lost 30lbs or so, but I don't have scars on my arms, my face, I'm no longer in a sling and I don't have a cast anywhere. To someone who doesn't know, I look totally healthy. SO, I assume that this man was staring just wondering what was wrong.

Now, I am lucky that what I am dealing with is not permanent. Using a walker and wheelchair is only temporarily a part of my life, but having to use those things for now really has me reflecting on those people who rely on them (and will continue to do so) every day of their lives. This guy, who made no attempt to hide his "curiosity" ,as we'll be nice enough to call it, made me think about the last time that I saw someone in a wheelchair or using a walker and how I reacted. I'd like to think that I didn't stare or analyze their situation, that I just casually glanced and moved on, but who's to say for sure?

I was at a local grocery store with my mom earlier this week and I was using my walker to hop around the small-ish store and I was acutely aware of everyone and everything around me. I moved aside to let people behind me get by more times than I can remember, not because they were pushy or anything, but because I felt bad holding them up. At one point, I saw an elderly woman who was also using a walker, and I inwardly sympathized with her. I was actually kind of jealous because her walker had wheels and a seat--I would love a seat!! But I bet that she has to use that walker for the rest of her life, and I will (hopefully!) be completely rid of mine by the end of June (at the latest, I'm praying!). What I want to point out, though, is that I didn't stare at that woman, of course I noticed her walker, but that's all it was--a simple mental note and then I moved on.

When I went to the mall with my mom, my friend Della and my sister, my mom and I stopped to go to the bathroom (and I was in my wheelchair) and Della later told me that she and my sister caught several teenaged girls staring and gaping at me as my mom pushed me into the restroom and that they just thought to themselves "What, you've never seen a girl in a wheelchair before? Move on, teenie bopper!"

Maybe it's all in my head; maybe I'm only thinking that people's eyes seem to linger a little bit longer on me as I hop around a store with my four-legged friend. Or, maybe I'm not making it up and people DO stare at me, whether it's because it's not the "norm" to see a person my age using a walker, or being pushed around in a wheelchair, or if it's because I don't APPEAR to have anything wrong with me, so strangers try to employ their x-ray vision to figure it out....

Whatever it is, what I want to say to YOU, dear reader, is to think about it the next time you see someone who is using a walker or a wheelchair. Make sure that you're not staring at them, because chances are they feel self-conscious enough as it is, and they don't need your prying eyes making them feel any worse.